


Clues

by Bryellii



Category: South Park
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Cliffhangers, I'll try and continue this, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 02:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14439600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bryellii/pseuds/Bryellii
Summary: After years of research and questioning, Kyle has finally found himself to have all the evidence he needs to connect the iconic duo to the much less iconic duo from their very own town of South Park. Stan thinks he's crazy, but in a quiet little mountain town like his, it seems that almost anything is possible.





	Clues

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of [this post](http://creekyde.tumblr.com/post/173292574860/conspiracy-backstory-the-hardly-boys-are-aged-up)

“...what the fuck.”

“No, dude, hear me out! Seriously, I think I’m actually onto something here!”

“Kyle, you’re being ridiculous. How the hell do you even get these ideas from clothing?”

“Not just clothing, Stan! Hair color, eye color, heights! It all makes total sense!”

“No, it doesn’t. You’re freaking out over absolutely nothing. The Hardly Boys are not even close to being similar to Craig and Clyde.”

Kyle let out a huff. He had all the evidence, all of the clues put together right there in front of them. Of course Stan wouldn’t believe him, though! He’s never been one to be caught up in conspiracy theories.

“Just read through the notes I gathered on the situation! The Hardly Boys are Craig and Clyde but as adults!” The redhead said, excitedly shoving a tattered journal towards his best friend.

“Dude,” Stan began, but rolled his eyes as he finally gave in. He took the journal from the other boy, flipping open to the first page. He paused after reading the very first sentence, already being done. A questioning glance was shot towards Kyle before he returned his gaze, but found the overall idea of it odd.

“Seriously? The time machine from, what, nine years ago is behind it all?”

“Yes! Just keep reading, it gets better!”

So Stan did. But it just kept getting more and more bizarre. All of them being cloned into a different time, but in the same world? Surely if that were true, then where were the adult versions of him, Kyle, and the others? Why only Craig and Clyde?

The further he read on, the more paranoid he became. Maybe it was possible. After all, eight year olds probably wouldn’t be able to survive on their own. Especially if they were brought into the world confused and alone, only relying on either themselves or each other. A majority of them probably didn’t survive the harsh environment of Colorado, especially if it was wintertime when they spawned into the universe.

Eventually Stan couldn’t take any more of it. He closed the journal, completely blank-faced, and handed it back to Kyle.

“So what you’re implying is that some guy took them in as their own, raised them, completely erased their original identities, and trained them to be detectives?”

“Yes.”

“Dude, no offense, but that’s the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard.”

“But you seemed so into it a moment ago!”

“Yeah, because it’s so stupid that it actually makes sense. I mean, this is South Park. I wouldn’t really put down an idea because it’s weird.”

“Thank you!”

“Dude we gotta tell people about this. No, we gotta tell Craig and Clyde about this!”

Kyle beamed, nodding in return. He was overjoyed that Stan actually believed one of his crazy theories for once, and somehow even happier that they were going to confront two of the five people who played a role in the theory.

So here they were, standing outside Craig’s house as they waited for someone to answer the door. A few minutes passed, and Stan suggested that nobody must be home. But right then the door opened, revealing the Stan look-alike with a towel wrapped around his waist and a toothbrush in his mouth.

Craig pulled the toothbrush out, spitting the toothpaste out into the snow beside the other two. “Can I help you?” He asked in that normal monotone voice of his. He seemed rather annoyed by the duo’s sudden appearance, but then again he always was. They were rivals, always wanting to prove themselves as the better group. Of course, that rivalry had pretty much ended as they all grew up and eventually merged into one larger group of eight. Though it was sometimes ten, depending on if Butters and Tweek joined them.

“Okay before you close the door on us for how stupid this might sound, just hear us out,” Stan spoke up, taking the journal from Kyle’s hands to pass it towards his almost-twin.

Reluctantly, Craig took hold of it. One glance at the title that the annoyingly bright orange notebook held had him shoving it right back to the others. He sharply glared at the two, flipping them the bird, and shut the door with a simple: “fuck you guys.”

Of course, that only made them knock again and again until Craig got so very annoyed that when he opened the door, it almost created a dent in the wall. “God, fine. Just fucking come in, but I gotta get dressed” was all Craig had to say before leaving the door open for Stan and Kyle to file in. They sat down on the sofa while Craig locked up the house again and made his way back upstairs to put on clothing.

He came back down moments later, now adorning a Falling In Reverse tee that was a bit large on him and black jeans that seemed to be too tight, but Craig always insisted that they fit perfectly fine.

Once he was seated on the couch opposite of Stan and Kyle, he crossed his arms with a simple “enlighten me.”

So the two did, telling Craig everything from the start of the creation of the time machine to the boys’ first encounter with the Hardly Boys. Craig made a few snide comments about the overall idea, but eventually he was convinced enough.

“So you’re basically telling me that Clyde and I are fucking gay for each other even though he’s literally the straightest kid on the planet.”

Kyle shared a look with Stan before locking eyes with Craig again and nodding. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Not to mention that all of this stemmed from the color of our clothes, and probably the fact that you and Stan don’t want to be the only gay couple in the town.”

“Well, yeah, but-” Kyle started, but huffed and folded his arms. “Oh please, don’t get all mad at us for your horrible breakup. It’s not our fault that Tweek isn’t actually gay.”

“He saw how gay you and Stan are and was super grossed out by it.”

“So? He was never even gay to begin with! Even you admitted it!”

Craig fell silent after this, deciding it best to look elsewhere. Kyle felt genuinely bad about yelling like that. He sighed, “Craig, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

There was no response, but Stan elbowed Kyle, which resulted in a death glare because goddamn did he hate when Stan did that, like, who even does that? It really fucking hurts and- oh shit how did he just now notice Clyde standing there?

“Uhh… am I interrupting something?” The brunette asked, eyebrows knitted together in both concern and some confusion.

“Clyde! Just the guy we were looking for!” Stan piped up after a short period of awkward silence. The confusion only grew as Clyde quirked a brow, “You were looking for me?”

Stan nodded in response, motioning for Clyde to come sit down beside him. Craig was shaking his head ‘no,’ but was sadly ignored as the jock plopped himself down right beside his best friend since pre-k. “Okay… what’s this all about, anyways?” He dared to ask and was promptly elbowed by Craig. Huh, Kyle thought, maybe they weren’t so different after all.

“Ow! Dude, what was that for??”

“For being curious. Trust me, these two are fucking insane.”

Kyle sent a glare towards Craig, all good thoughts about the noirette immediately being erased.

“Craig, you’re probably just mad that they interrupted your alone time. Anyways, what’s going on?” Clyde asked again, quite curious about the whole conversation that he had walked in on earlier that day. He hadn’t heard much, only unlocking the front door right when Kyle said that he and Craig were actually gay for each other. While Clyde could have argued that point, he couldn’t actually deny it completely. After all, he may have been a little homo for his friend. Okay, maybe very homo. But he would never actually admit it. Besides, he was pretty positive that Craig was still hung up on Tweek. Poor guy.

And for the third time that day, Kyle fully explained his theory. Clyde’s face was full of expressions that he hadn’t seen on anyone else yet, and it thrilled him that Clyde actually thought that it could be possible. Of course, that earned a few crude comments from Craig, who said that all of this was a complete waste of time. Clyde only responded with a smile and a “well it’s the thought that counts!”

But Craig said nothing more since he’s always had a soft spot for Clyde. Talk about pathetic. At least, that’s what he often told himself. Mutual pining can really be a bitch sometimes, huh? It’s a real shame Craig didn’t know that Clyde actually liked him back, otherwise they’d probably be fucking in a closet during one of Bebe’s parties. Oh, the irony in that kind of situation.

“Oh! We should go find the Hardly family and ask them ourselves!” Kyle suddenly exclaimed, jumping out of his seat.

“That’s a terrible fucking idea,” said Craig, agitated with the fact that Stan and Kyle just didn’t know when to fuck off.

“It’s a great idea, Craig, and you know it is. You’re just mad that I came to this conclusion before you.”

And with that, Craig stood up and dragged Stan and Kyle out the door, locking them out with a “fuck off before I kick both of your asses.” They didn’t come back.

Craig sunk back down into his spot on the couch as Clyde texted somebody. Most likely Kenny. God, did he fucking hate that guy. Luckily, Clyde immediately set his phone down when he felt the couch sink a bit.

“So…” he started, “that was pretty awkward.”

“You have no idea…” Craig mumbled on response, peering over at Clyde from under black bangs. Man, he needed a haircut.

When they locked eyes, Clyde felt his heart skip a beat.

“Um… are you really so against the idea of us being together?” He decided to ask, even if it gave away his true feelings.

“Not really,” was Craig’s response, “You’re just impossibly straight.”

“No.”

“What?”

“Dude, I’m bi.”

“Oh.”

There was a pause afterwards, but was entirely intentional as the boys leaned closer and closer, their lips connecting perfectly with each other. When they pulled back for air, they dove right back in. Craig was such a good fucking kisser, and Clyde just now remembered that Craig once tied a cherry stem with his tongue. The mere thought of it caused his face to flush, and flush again when he realized that his back was on the couch and that there was a Craig sitting on top of him.

But just before anything could progress, there was a tap, tap, tap on the window. Craig glared once his eyes fell on the two from earlier, who were most likely cheering that they would no longer be the only gay couple in the town anymore. Well, the only gay couple their age. Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al were still happily married, and had been the host of many, many great formals and parties.

Craig flipped them off just before he closed the curtains, stealing a glance back at Clyde, who was currently fiddling with the zipper on his letterman’s jacket. It was cute, despite how annoying the sound of something zipping and unzipping over and over again could get.

A smile settled on Craig’s face as he realized that maybe The Craig/Clyde Hardly Boys theory was actually true.

 

_Nine years ago_

The man in front of Craig and Clyde was awfully scary-looking, even though he said that he had no intention of harming either of the two. Of course, two eight year old boys wandering the streets of Denver, Colorado in the middle if winter would obviously be wary.

But they piled into the car, anyways, and followed everything the man said. He was awfully nice for allowing them into his home and into his heart. Of course, they had no names. The man named them Joe and Frank, and took up the role of a father figure in their lives.

With his guidance, the two managed to solve case after case. They found it strange that they even had to solve one about some kid taking a dump in a urinal in the boy’s bathroom. They found it even stranger that their guardian tried to deny their help. South Park, as he said, was a terrible place that they should never set foot in.

Nonetheless, they had managed to solve the case, along with whether or not a nice boy named Kyle Broflovski was responsible for 9/11. He was not.

Everything had felt so very familiar to them when they entered the small mountain town, but brushed it off since they hadn’t been to Colorado since they had spawned into the world.

But it wasn’t until today that they would be getting their final mystery.

“Boys,” their guardian began, “what if I told you that South Park holds all the answers you’ve been seeking since the day I found you?”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to shoot me for doing this


End file.
